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Current Jam:"Nothing Right
Now :-("
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| Meh? |
| 12.28.03 (1:33 pm) [edit] |
Ok, so I've been house sitting for the past few days and it seems like I am going to get myself in trouble. Everyday I'm doing something I shouldn't do there. I mean, it's crazy. I'm getting drunk and doing bad stuff every night. I haven't stayed the whole night alone and I've been there for 3 days. The first night, my "friend" attacked me and was biting my neck. He left bruises on my neck which I've been trying to hide from my parents. The second night, two of my girlfriends and I got drunk and taped ourselves dancing around and being stupid. Last night I got drunk with 2 of my friends and some stuff happened. I'm so slutty. It's bad...Well I'm not really a slut. I just get myself into situations that are not favorable...and I know I ask for it sometimes. I need to stop that. It's like...I want to be fun and spontaneous and cool, but it makes me look bad. (I'm so tired!) The only thing I really hate, is that the guys I do stuff with would probably, if asked, deny that they ever did anything with me. I mean, what's so bad about me? They all love me and want to be with me but then they turn around and are like, "Who, her? Yeah right!" But then we're hanging out and they're like "How [i]you[/i] doin'?" I mean WTF? Guys are crap! If I've get the power, I should be able to flaunt it, not be everyone's guilty pleasure. It's supposed to be a self-esteem booster and sometimes it feel like a depressant. I bet I'm even gonna regret posting this and delete it soon. (I'm really, really tired now) Ahhhhh! I think I might be hungover...I think I need to go to bed. I'm cold, I'm gonna go snuggle under the covers ::sniffle:: alone! That's ok...alone includes no boys to make any trouble.
Oooo I'm gonna get a shirt made that says:
I'm the best, of the best, of the best, Sir...with Honors!
Cause it's fuckin' true! Heehee!
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| Happy & Tired |
| 12.24.03 (2:13 pm) [edit] |
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Ok, so it's Christmas Eve and I'm sitting here wrapping the few presents that I actually bought for people. I get to house-sit for 5 days starting tomorrow. I'm excited! :D I'm a little tired because I haven't been getting much sleep lately. I've been staying out late and getting up early. Not that much different from when I was going to school. Tonight I get to go see the Christmas Carol. I'm really excited. The only kinda crappy thing that's been happening lately, is that I'm still doing favors for people. I mean, I don't know if they deserve it or not. Maybe they do need me, but I want them to give me more recognition, more praise maybe, for what I'm doing for them. Oooo I meant to say that my best friend and I got our trip for Orlando booked yesterday. We're gonna take the red eye January 17th to Orlando and then stay 5 nights at the Disney Pop Century hotel. I can't wait! 91X is playing really crappy music right now. I need to find something good to listen to. I love Christmas music, but I've been hearing it all day at work. The thing is, I don't mind listening to the same song over and over again, but what does bug me is when it's the same song 8 times, but each time it's a different rendition. Or the annoying instrumental ones. I like instrumental Christmas music, but they pick the really odd ones that just don't sit right with me. Alright, well I'm gonna go now so I can finish wrapping and take a nap before the play.
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| This Sucks! |
| 12.21.03 (11:13 pm) [edit] |
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Ok, so I'm home from the so-called party. It sucked...I think we were there for like 30 minutes max. When we got there we found out there wasn't going to be any alcohol, so that kinda sucked, but it was ok. That wasn't why we left. There was this controlling bitch there who was on a power trip and I was not about to stand for her telling. People can't expect you to come to a party they're throwing and treat you like crap bossing you around and such. Heehee, my sister just came in my room because we're going to have a movie night. She brought in a ton of snacks. She was trying to cheer me up and she said, "I brought the Jingles, and the Yodels, and the Snow-ho, and the Old-ho, and the Cho-co-ho...in a Ho-Ho-Hat!" I was laughing so hard. We're watching "A Night At The Roxbury". We've never seen it and so far it's really hilarious. My sister and I want to date guys like this 'cause we're crazy. I have to go now. This movie is too good to miss! 8)
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| Party! |
| 12.21.03 (10:58 am) [edit] |
Ok, so I went to a party last night, and it was pretty fun. I'm starving! I just ate some Ring Dings...and now I feel ill. Damn sweet things! I need to go get some milk. Wow, when I went to the kitchen to get the milk, I heard on tv that the reindeer that pull Santa's sleigh have to be female because they are the only ones who have antlers at this time of year. The males have lost theirs by now. And everyone knows that the reindeer that Santa has have antlers. So no wonder there are some named "Dancer" and "Vixen". Heehee, cool. Girls rock! How else could Santa get all around the world in one night? I hate how everything is a vicious never ending cycle. Like I was hungry so I ate the Ring Dings and then I felt sick, so I drank some milk. But since I haven't had enough food today, the milk is in my empty stomach making my stomach upset. I think I'm a little lactose intolerant, but if I have food before the milk or ice cream I should be ok. So now my stomach hurts and I'm going to go lay down for a while, but then I might fall asleep, and you know what happens when you fall asleep during the day. You wake up all hot and icky and you feel worse than you did before you went to sleep. See what I mean about the vicious never ending cycle? I'm going to another party tonight, I'm pretty excited. It should be fun. Another sleep over. Oh yeah, I still haven't gotten anymore Christmas presents for anyone. It's ok, I hate them all anyway. I never even got to AAA yesterday to plan my trip. Tuesday I'm going. Oooo I'm so excited, I'm going to go see The Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve. I can't wait. I hear it's pretty good, and I always enjoy going to the theatre.
I'm going to go lie down now, you know, just to keep the cycle running smoothly.
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| "School's Out For..." Uh...Winter? |
| 12.20.03 (11:55 am) [edit] |
I'm so glad school is over. I took 5 out of my 6 finals, the other one was optional. I'm so tired. I had to go to work early today and restock the Christmas cards. Luckily then I got to come home. I'm supposed to be napping right now because I have to go to AAA in a little bit to try and plan my trip to Orlando next month. I'm super tired but I'm also relieved that school is done for a while. February actually. I'm gonna spend my time sleeping and talking to friends who are worth my while...That translates to no one. :? Oh well, maybe someone will get back on my good side and we'll have a ball. I'm listening to this Reel Big Fish cover of "Hotel California". It's awesome. I love the song already and RBF adds their flavor to it. I don't understand why people say the things they do sometimes. Like they know what they say isn't going to make you happy, but they say it anyway not expecting you to care that they've hurt you. Or maybe they just don't think that you realize that what they've said was in fact an insult. They think you're ignorant or something. I think I'm just letting too much stuff tick me off. I'm going to go to sleep now before it gets even harder to clear my head.
Can someone make a comment so that I'll know someone is listening to me? I see that my Blog has been viewed more times then I have looked at it, so I know someone is looking. But who? :shock: Is it you?! I know, I know, I'm a crackhead, but ya love me anyways. It's gonna be sad when people comment: "Well I was trying to look for a really cool Blog, but all I found was yours." Oh well, at least someone would have been out there, right?
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| One Little Thing |
| 12.14.03 (10:26 pm) [edit] |
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Ok, I'm about to go to bed, but I just had to post one little thing. I absolutely hate it when you confront someone and they change the subject so they don't have to answer. I mean, just give me a straight answer. I would rather you give me an answer that I don't like rather than keep me guessing by dodging my questions. That really irks me. If someone asks me to answer truthfully, I'm going to even if it hurts. They need to know otherwise they wouldn't be asking. I just wanna scream, "DON'T LIE TO ME!!!" I don't deserve to be lied to. That is my biggest pet peeve. Once someone breaks my trust, that's it. I don't forgive them right away if I ever do. And if they ever do it again...that's it, no more. It also depends on who is doing the lying. If it's someone I care about, it hurts more if they lie to me. I think that's true with anything. Once you open your heart to someone you become more vulnerable to their actions. Ah well, the human heart is a fragile thing.
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| I'm sick...And there are finals... |
| 12.14.03 (11:04 am) [edit] |
Ok, so I'm sick now and I have so much to do to prepare for the end of the semester. There are papers and finals and just ewww stuff. Being sick helps too ya know. It totally kills any motivation you might have had to begin with. And there are so many other things I have to do that have nothing to do with school. I don't have Christmas presents for anyone. Well, maybe I have one, but I have 3 things that need to get here before Christmas that I have ordered online. Other than that, I have nothing. And I keep spending money that I'm supposed to be saving for a trip with my best friend to Walt Disney World and Universal Studios at the end of January. It's gonna be over $600 dollars just for the hotel, airfare, and tickets. That doesn't include any spending money or food or anything. I'm am gonna be soooo broke. I wish I could just not go to school and just work full time. I could actually have money to do stuff. Because I'm just doing my general ed right now, I'm not that motivated to be going to school. It's like nothing I'm learning has anything to do with what I want to do for the rest of my life. For the longest time I've wanted to become an elementary school teacher, but I'm not even sure anymore. I wish I could find something I'm really interested in and have a light bulb go off bing! :idea: I want to do [u]blank[/u] for the rest of my life! Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Then I'm just thinking that if I married some guy with a good job, I could become a stay-at-home mom. That would be fun. I love kids, I just don't want that to be my only lot in life. I want to finish school and start a career before I even consider getting married. I want to be independent and self-sufficient. I need to know who I am before I can make a decision about being with someone else for the rest of my life. I don't want to become a divorcee because I woke up one morning and realized that I wasn't who I thought I was when I got married and I don't love the person I'm lying next to. I mean that could happen even if I think I know who I am, but then at least I have a job and I don't have to go back to school when I'm 35 and work 2 or 3 minimum wage jobs just so I can afford to go to school and pay rent. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that; if other people want to do that, that's fine, but I don't want to. I think going back to school is a great thing. And I know people change their careers all the time, but I want to have some sense of stability and not depend on someone else to support me. If I choose to go back to school to change my job that's different from not having a job in the first place and struggling to keep up with school while working to make some type of living. I think I want what most people want. They want their futures to be bright. I, of course, want this too. I just want to be happy...
And you know what...I think I am and that's why I can write all of this crap. If I wasn't truly happy, I would be acting out all of the time and I wouldn't care about school or Christmas presents or what I do with the rest of my life. I'm such a whiner! I need to realize that I am truly blessed and that I shouldn't take my life for granted.
Ok, I'm done for now. No more ranting. I need to get back to work.
P.S. Isn't it awesome that Saddam Hussein was captured? Osama's next... :twisted:
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| Some People... |
| 12.12.03 (11:50 pm) [edit] |
You know, I just don't understand some people. There are so many people in this world that make me angry. It's ridiculous. I hate it when people ask you for help and then you're doing your best to help them, and they start doing things to make you want to stop helping them. They second-guess what you're telling them or they start to take advantage of you because you've been nice in the past. But now, you have a reputation of being the "nice" one, the one that people walk all over and it's really hard to change this once it's begun. There's also the issue that I'm not as mean as I would like to be sometimes. Also, I'm a very sarcastic person, so sometimes I might say something that I'm really thinking about a person, but I throw that little twist on it so they're not sure whether to laugh or get offended. That's the beautiful thing about acting...If you're good enough, people will believe just what you want them to. Sometimes there are people in my life that I just want to cut out completely. But that is nearly impossible because, no offense, but what would they do without me? I mean, sure, after a while everyone can recover from a loss as great as me, but for the immediate moments following the "break-up", what are they going to do with themselves? I have been everything to them. I have done everything for them. I just have to start telling people "no". Maybe it's just one of those "use or be used" type of situations. I want to vow that I am not going to do anything nice for someone who doesn't deserve it, until they do something nice for me. They are all in debt to me almost infinitely. It's stupid how much I sacrifice for these low-lifes. I am not a happy camper. :( It's hard realizing your "friends" don't think of you as a human being, but as a resource they can exhaust. I know other people feel this way and I'm not trying to make myself sound ultra-righteous or anything, I just think it's disgusting the way nice people are abused by their social circle.
I'm going to go to bed now and dream about happy things; not the friends that are inevitably going to be sucking the life out of my veins tomorrow...and the day after...
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| Just starting out... |
| 12.09.03 (4:20 pm) [edit] |
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Ok, so this is my first time doing a Blog :shock: . I don't really know what to think of it all yet. I told my friend I would start soon (and that was months ago) so here's my best effort at my opening entry. I know everyone has expectations of what they want their blog to be like. Everyone wants to write about something that matters; something that other people will read and appreciate. I too want to be thought provoking, but I really doubt anyone will ever read this except a few people that I actually know who will click on the link in my AIM profile just to see what this "spazzy" chick has been doing with her life since they last saw me. I wish I could take a poll. Hey, if there is anyone out there reading this, make a comment so I can see just who exactly is reading my blog. It'll be a fun little experiment. If you have a blog maybe you can let me know and I'll come visit yours and impart some wisdom on you...Or maybe not, but comment on mine anyways. Hopefully my next entry wont be so boring and I might actually stumble onto something interesting worth talking about...Yeah right. I have finals coming up, I doubt I can do much abstract thinking in that time. Once school let's out though, we'll see. :wink:
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